I’ve been topside for a few months now. Things around here are very different than where I grew up. It’s taken some time but I think I’ve got the hang of this human thing…Then again, what do I know about being human? I’m just a demon. My education in humanity was supplied by the wails of lost souls, the pleas of the remorseful and the gloating tales of the pridefully sinful. All I knew was, I wanted more. More than my low-level demon station of life. More than…I didn’t really know…I just wanted MORE. So, I grabbed my satchel, paid Charon, crossed the Styx and here I am. Just one of the guys, or at least trying to be.

I had heard many tearful regrets from the dearly departed about putting their jobs above all else, so I knew employment was essential to my fitting in.
After many epic fails and some expensive forays into the job field I thought I made the most Dante-esque mistake of my century-long life. I decided to email—why wouldn’t the underworld have their tentacles into that soul-stealer— my brother-from-another-monster, Hades and that’s when it happened. The universe intervened and sent me my true calling on this Earth…Mailer Daemon! A mailman! It’s perfect, I can watch and learn everything about humans from their mail and where they live. I’ll never have regrets about spending too much time at this job…it’s not even work for me. Stalking (That’s what humans call it. We call it cultivating souls) is one of my favorite pastimes. So here I am, living the dream as your friendly, neighborhood maildemon. Resisting the daily urge to consume screaming children and lick gorgeous women along my route. So many societal differences…

Luckily I have one human friend, Cole. He tells me Valentine’s Day is coming and it is considered socially acceptable to share chocolates (I have no idea what all the hype is about these sweet, brown turds) and bodily fluids (Now we’re talking! I wonder if we’re thinking the same thing…). How can I use this Hallmark Card Holiday to build human relationships? I wouldn’t mind a creature of my own someday…
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